The Deep End
by ClaudiaRain
Summary: Nate forces the team to temporarily split up for their own safety, and Parker tracks down each one of them, for a reason she doesn't understand - or won't admit to. Nate/Parker


**Title:** The Deep End

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Leverage or its characters and I make no profit from this. It's just for fun.

**Spoilers:** Let's see…none!

**Pairing:** Nate/Parker (come on, it will never be anything else if I write a Leverage story)

**Summary:** Nate forces the team to temporarily split up for their own safety, and Parker tracks down each one of them, for a reason she doesn't understand - or won't admit to. Nate/Parker

**Author's note:** I wrote this 2 years ago, and I don't know why I never posted it. Why should it sit on my laptop when there are possibly 3 other people out there who might enjoy it? If you are an N/P fan, I hope you enjoy it.

XXXXXX

"Teach me to fight," she said, and though it should have been a question it wasn't.

"You already know how to fight," Eliot told her.

"Yeah, but there are people I want to kill. You're the best teacher for that. Or rather…for how to get away with it." Parker leaned against the ropes of the boxing ring and watched him. As if she really thought he'd give her tips on how to kill people.

Actually, he would have if he didn't know who she was talking about.

And the truth was he really didn't want his former boss dead, even if they hadn't parted on the best terms.

"I'm not going to teach you how to murder people."

"Then what was the point in even coming here?" Parker complained, wondering what hand she could play to force him to do what she wanted. She couldn't think of anything, though. She winced as Eliot's sparring partner got in a good right hook – Eliot spared an accusing look toward her. If she hadn't been bothering him, he would have seen it coming.

"What have you been up to?" He tried to change the subject to something safer, motioning to his opponent that he needed a break and stepping out of the ring.

Parker followed him as he grabbed a bottle of water from the nearby fridge. "You know, a little of this and a little of that."

"That's a real…non-answer."

She shrugged and looked – dare he say it? – uncomfortable. "Yeah well I haven't felt the same urge to…acquire priceless artifacts as I used to."

Eliot stared at her for a moment. "In other words, you don't feel like stealing anymore. You have a conscience now."

"Hey," she said, irritated. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"It wasn't an insult, Parker," he barely stopped himself from rolling his eyes. "Now, as wonderful as it is to see you, why are you really here? We both know it's not a friendly visit. None of your visits are friendly."

"I can be perfectly nice when I want to," she argued, and it was true. Except she simply didn't _want _to be nice most of the time. Before she could come up with a list of reasons for Eliot as to why she hated almost everyone, the other man from the boxing ring sidled over to her.

"Hey beautiful, I'm Jack. What are you doing tonight?"

She gave him a scathing look, but he wasn't easily dissuaded. "I'm going to learn how to kill someone."

"No, you are not," Eliot said loudly and shot Jack a look intended to get him to leave them alone.

It didn't work.

"You know, I've been told I'm a real ladykiller myself," Jack winked at her.

Parker didn't have time for this. "Go away or my first victim will be _you_." She tried to say it in the sweetest tone possible and then looked at Eliot – let him argue now that she couldn't be nice!

"Hard to get, huh?" Jack seemed impressed, which was totally not the way he was supposed to have taken that. "I see your game, I got my eye on you, honey," he nodded as he walked off to the locker room and Parker narrowed her eyes, starting to follow him.

"Yeah, you're a naturally warm person," Eliot shook his head as he stepped into her path and stopped her – probably from trying to shank Jack in the showers.

"Why did I come see you?" She huffed, stepping back from him. "I should have known better." Yet despite her obvious unhappiness with him, she didn't want to leave yet. Not when she hadn't gotten even one useful thing out of him.

"I don't know what you want me to say, but I can guarantee that whatever you're looking for, you're not going to find it here."

She ignored him and glanced around the room, as if she were interested in the other people. Why did he think she'd come here to be reminded of the obvious?

"We're supposed to be taking a break, remember? Staying low-key. In _different _places."

She was extremely careful to keep any disappointment out of her next words. "I know, but I was in the area so I thought I'd stop in. Say hi."

Eliot didn't believe her for a moment. He debated, then decided if he didn't tell her she'd eventually find out on her own anyway. "Last I heard from Sophie, she was in New York."

The look she gave him could almost be considered a smile. If he were desperate to see one, that is. "Thanks. I'll have to see how she's doing. For some reason she didn't let me know when she left LA."

"Gee, I wonder why," Eliot said. "Tell her I said hi," he added, as she nodded and turned to leave. "And Parker? Maybe find a hobby. One besides murder."

Parker shut her eyes for a moment. He really had no idea. "I'll think about it."

XXXXXX

She didn't know which Shakespeare play Sophie was performing, but she knew for sure the woman was butchering it. Parker cringed as Sophie worked her way over-dramatically through the lines until intermission, seizing the opportunity to go backstage and talk with her former team member. It was the third time she'd visited her in the past three months.

"How've you been?" She asked as Sophie dutifully reapplied her make-up.

"What are you doing here, Parker? As I remind you every time I see you, Nate told us to split up." Sophie sounded so disapproving that Parker was immediately on edge.

"I wanted to see your performance," she said defensively. "Is that a crime?"

"Nooo…" Sophie drew the word out slowly. "However, all the things the Boston PD wants us for _are_ crimes. Hence the splitting up." She grabbed a script and started mouthing lines quietly to herself.

"A month since you've seen me and you can barely spare me a glance. Thanks a lot," Parker crossed her arms.

Sophie gave a long-suffering sigh of her own. "We talked about this the last time you came, Parker. If you didn't notice, I'm in the middle of a career-making performance. If I get good reviews for this off-off-Broadway play, I could get my name known to some prominent casting directors."

Parker glanced at the script, wondering how Sophie ever got cast as Ophelia in _Hamlet_. Even if it _was_ off-off-Broadway. She loved the woman to death, but seriously, had they no acting standards? "Is this what you want to do with the rest of your life? I thought you were happy with –"

Sophie looked up sharply. "I hope you're not going to say 'with us' or 'with Nate's team' because either way, it doesn't matter seeing as we aren't together anymore."

Parker stared at the floor, hating Sophie as much as Eliot for pointing out the obvious. Really though, what had she expected in seeking her out?

For the first time, it occurred to her that Sophie might be _happy _that they'd split up, happy that she had the opportunity to pursue her real dream of acting.

Personally, Parker could never imagine being happy that their team had broken up, no matter what other opportunities came her way. And she wanted to tell them that it was all their fault, but she hadn't the slightest idea how to begin putting those feelings into actual words.

She didn't even know what angered her more. That they had to split up? Or that they'd worked together in the first place?

"Parker," Sophie interrupted her thoughts. "You keep visiting me and I keep asking why, and you keep refusing to give me a straight answer. You realize that now I'm forced to guess?"

"If you don't believe that I want to see your plays, then that's your problem," Parker said, none too convincingly.

"Parker, if I didn't know any better, I'd think you were…lonely."

Parker inhaled sharply and scoured her brain for something she could say that would prove Sophie wrong. Nothing came to mind. She settled simply for, "You're wrong."

"What's more," Sophie ignored her denial, "I don't think it's me, or Eliot, or Hardison that you miss. At least, not the most."

"What are you talking about?" Parker said quickly, wondering if her voice sounded as unnaturally high to Sophie as it did to her own ears. "I'm not lonely! Anyways, I've seen all of you several times just to…keep in touch."

"And who have you never seen?" Sophie persisted.

"Sophie, stop right there," Parker warned. She wondered if maybe she should have stopped tracking them months ago. She was beginning to sorely regret it. "You have no idea what you're talking about."

Sophie sighed. "No, Parker, the problem for you is that I know exactly what I'm talking about. Come on. You've come to visit all of us. Several times each. And yet you've never seen Nate. Not once. It doesn't take a genius to figure out why."

She was so close to controlling herself, but she lost. "I hate him," Parker whispered, and she didn't elaborate because she knew Sophie could fill in the blanks.

But instead of the sympathy she expected from her friend, she got only sternness and exasperation. "Go tell him that, then."

"I can't," Parker said, though she didn't know if she was trying to convince Sophie or herself more. "I won't."

"Then you're never going to find peace," Sophie said dramatically, waving her script as she left the dressing room to get back on stage at the end of intermission.

It left Parker wondering why – of all the things Sophie thought she could be looking for – peace was the only thing that came to mind.

XXXXXX

"Seeing another team on the side?" Parker's voice caused him to jump.

Hardison swallowed and tried to gather the appropriate amount of indignation. After all, he was doing nothing wrong. "A guy's gotta make a living, you know?"

"So you're running cons for someone else?"

"A job's a job," Hardison argued, refusing to look Parker in the eye.

He felt it when she took a few steps closer to him. "What happened to integrity, Hardison?"

"Hey," he said irritably, "I have to work."

She didn't reply for a few minutes, during which time he tried to figure out why it felt like he was cheating.

He glanced up, only to regret it. She was looking at him with such…disillusionment.

"I thought we were…a team," she said quietly.

"If you remember," he said carefully, "Nate disbanded our team. It doesn't exist at the moment. What am I supposed to do? Sit around and do nothing with my life and pine away for the past? No thanks, Parker."

She hated it when people mentioned Nate. She never wanted to think about him. But now she didn't have a choice, did she? "Not to mention," she said angrily, "you are completely ignoring Nate's orders. He told us to keep a low profile. You're not exactly doing that, now are you?"

"You're not listening to him either! Or did you completely tune out the part where he ordered us not to contact each other for at least six months? That was for a reason, Parker."

"I know that all of you still talk, don't pretend you don't."

"Yeah, well, I think that visiting us over the past few months is a lot more dangerous than keeping tabs on the others. And by the way, I'm doing this job under a completely different name – and it doesn't help when you show up here! Besides, if you _really _cared about what Nate said then this wouldn't be an issue because you wouldn't have even known about what I'm doing."

"Yeah, well Nate's not _here_ is he? If he cared that much he wouldn't have left us!" She was stunned the second she said it. That was supposed to have been in the vault of Things Not to Admit, For Any Reason, Ever.

Hardison studied her thoughtfully. "Is that what this is about? Your abandonment issues?"

She inhaled sharply, never wanting to throttle someone more than she did in that moment. How dare he imply she was only upset because of the hard time she had growing up? She was confident she'd still be as furious with Nate and the rest of them if she'd had an idyllic childhood. Then again, if she'd had an idyllic childhood, odds were she wouldn't have pursued the life of crime that she had, and so none of it would be an issue anyway.

During her silence, he must have realized the insensitivity of his words. "Parker, I didn't mean it like that. I just mean…" he trailed off, wondering how he could possibly explain in a way she would understand. "It was hard for all of us, alright? None of us wanted this but it seemed like the best plan. And besides," he continued slowly, "he never _said_ we wouldn't be able to meet up again in the future."

Her heart jumped a bit at his words, because it sounded like there was something he purposely wasn't saying. She quickly clamped down on the feeling of hope. Hope was one of the worst feelings in the world because it always set you up to be horribly let down. "Come on, Hardison," she scoffed. "If he had any intention of reforming our team he would have let us know. If not when we split up, then certainly by now. He never wants to see us again."

Hardison looked thoroughly confused. "Why are you acting like none of us will ever be together again?"

"Because we won't! You are delusional, Hardison. Unlike you, I have accepted reality."

Hardison started rummaging through his laptop case before he pulled out an unmarked envelope and handed it to her, nodding his head for her to open it.

Inside was a card with a location – the Chateau Marmont – and a date. A date three months in the future. "This is…this is from Nate?" She asked even though she knew his handwriting.

"Yeah…you must have gotten one."

She flung it back at him and fought the urge to keep from lashing out at him in…what _was_ she feeling? Grief? Anger? Betrayal? "I have nothing."

Hardison scratched his head, then, infuriatingly, shrugged as if it were of no importance. "He probably couldn't find you."

"He found _you_," she pointed out. "And Eliot and Sophie, I'm sure."

"I only got it last week, and you're always on the move, Parker. You know we'd never –"

"Get back together without me? No, actually I don't know that. And you just gave me proof."

He stood up, futilely trying to get her attention. "Parker –"

But she was pacing, and appeared not to hear him. "What is it? Am I too much of a liability now? Did he find someone better? Did he just…hate being around me?"

"Parker!"

She turned to him abruptly, crossing her arms and wishing for him to say anything that she might believe, while also knowing it wasn't possible. Because no explanation from Hardison would explain to her why Nate had apparently decided he didn't want to have her on their team anymore.

"This is a misunderstanding. Look, I'll contact him for you, we can figure this out together. Believe me when I say that none of us want to go on without you."

"Yeah, it really looks that way," she whispered, because she knew if she didn't her voice would break. Never, never again, she vowed to herself. She would never trust anyone again.

"I can see that you're not going to listen to anything I say, so my suggestion is…if you're this upset at Nate over what I'm sure is a misunderstanding, why don't you go see him yourself?"

She glanced away, already suspecting what he'd say next. And he didn't disappoint.

"He's the only one you haven't visited, Parker. Why?"

"Because I hate him," she said quietly. It felt as if she were replaying the scene she'd had three days before with Sophie.

"Why? Because you didn't get a card yet ? But you just found out that I got –"

"No, not for that! Because he tore us all apart, Hardison! I asked him not to, I told him he didn't have to do it and he didn't listen to me! He ignored me, he said it was for the best, he – he didn't care."

She still remembered the night she confronted him. Remembered the resolve he had and how he didn't show the slightest ounce of sympathy for her concerns. She'd tried, in the horrible aftermath of that night, to break entirely away from him and their team.

She'd obviously failed.

Hardison looked stunned. "_That's _what this is about? That's why you've been acting so strange for three months? Parker, why didn't you tell us –"

She clenched her fists and realized suddenly what this felt like – as if someone had died. She was grieving for the loss of the way they used to be, and it was horrifying, that feeling, because she'd only felt it once before in her life, and it was as bad as she remembered.

And they had forced her to feel it again. No, _Nate _had forced her to feel it again. "Forget it," she told Hardison, "I'm leaving."

"No!" He stepped to the side to block her way. "You can't walk out."

She didn't say anything, merely gazed at him with one word plainly written on her face. _Why?_

"Because I know you'll never come back."

She shut her eyes against the truth of his statement. "Let me go," she said quietly, too tired to fight with him.

"I'll let you go if you promise me one thing."

She knew she'd probably regret it, but all she wanted was for him to let her leave without a fight. "Fine," she said reluctantly.

"Don't disappear. Go see Nate first –" he held up a hand when she tried to protest. "If you still want to leave after you talk to him, then fine. But at least give him a chance. Give all of us a chance. We don't want to do this without you."

"Yeah, you may feel that way, but Nate doesn't. That much is clear."

"You just promised me."

"And I'm so trustworthy."

He waited until she met his eyes. "I know you'll do this."

She tilted her head back. "Why are you so sure?"

"Because I'm asking you to do something you've wanted to do for three months now, but haven't because you've been too scared."

Damn him, damn him, damn him. "I hate you now, too."

He smiled, and she hated him more. "I knew you'd keep your promise."

XXXXXX

She had to admit that finding Hardison in the midst of a job with people she didn't know only heightened her anxiety that maybe Nate was in the exact same situation. Perhaps he'd found a new team…or maybe just a new her.

She thought she should do the same. Simply go and join another crew somewhere. But despite all her fantasies of moving on, deep down she knew she'd never do it. She hated most people, and when she truly thought about it, it still surprised her that she'd allowed herself to become so close to her current team at all.

And look at that, she still thought of them as current. Talk about a habit she had to break for self-preservation. Namely, sanity.

Why was she even parked outside Nate's house to begin with? It was in the suburbs of Ohio for crying out loud. Could he have found a more remote location?

She was only here to keep her word to Hardison. At least, that's what she'd claim if anyone asked her.

She shored up everything she possibly could – her courage, resolve, anger, and everything else she felt swirling inside, everything that screamed at her to drive away. To forget about promises and the team she once had and, above all, Nathan Ford.

Only she found herself walking up his front path, instead. She would see it through to the end. If only to prove to herself that she'd been right all along, and Hardison had been wrong, and nothing was right with the world, nor ever would be again.

She almost rang the doorbell before she realized it was 1:17 am, and so she broke in instead. Why she thought that might be a better option was anyone's guess, but at least no alarm went off and a quick search of the house found no occupants.

Which only led to wondering who he would be out with at such an hour.

Through the back sliding glass doors she spotted a pool, and it made her even angrier. He had a pool? When she hadn't even had a permanent place to live in the past three months? It figured.

She stepped out onto the back patio with no real plan in mind, and just barely bit back a scream when Nate, from a suitably shadowy corner, mildly greeted her. "Hello, Parker."

She must be really distracted to allow herself to be so surprised. "What are you _doing_?" She hissed at him. "Trying to kill me?"

"Of course you wouldn't recognize that it should be _me_ asking what _you're_ doing seeing as you've broken into _my_ house."

"It was unlocked," she lied, and though she couldn't see him too clearly in the darkness, she knew he was rolling his eyes in response. "And you sound almost as if you were expect – …Hardison!" She gasped. "I should have killed him before I left Memphis. The traitor."

She took off her sandals and sat at the edge of the pool, kicking her feet aimlessly in the water. She honestly had no idea what to do next. Her initial plan had been to confront him, but now that she was here, her heart wasn't in it anymore. She found that instead of screaming at him, like she'd expected, all she wanted to do was tell him how much he'd hurt her. And the thought scared her so much that all she could do was grip the edges of the pool where she was sitting.

"Hardison didn't tell me anything except that you were coming, and that you had something to tell me." He sat next to her. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

For some reason, she couldn't loosen her hands from the side of the pool, and she suddenly couldn't speak either. Unfortunately, for everything he'd proven good at, mind reading had not been one of the things at which he excelled. And when she didn't speak, he apparently decided that scolding her was the best route to go.

"It's dangerous what you've been doing. Yes, I've heard from everyone and I know about how you keep tracking them down. I had us split up for a reason, Parker. Why won't you ever listen to me?"

In her defense, she knew that any woman would have done the same thing. Or so she told herself, when she turned to Nate and shoved him as hard as she could into the pool.

It gave her much more satisfaction than she'd expected, and when he surfaced a moment later, spluttering about what was wrong with her, she started laughing. "You deserved that, and if you don't know why, that's your fault and not mine."

He swiped the water out of his eyes and glared at her. "You've got my attention," he said, and she marveled at the fact that he was taking this so calmly. He sounded so much like…well, like Nate. She'd missed that. No, she'd missed _him_.

"Know what Hardison showed me when I saw him two days ago? A note from you about where to meet in three months. Know what I've never gotten? A similar note. Which means I have to ask, Nate, were you ever going to tell me that you didn't want me back?"

He blinked, whether from the water still dripping from his hair or because of confusion at her words, she'd never know. "Parker –"

She was speaking more to herself now than him. "And that's not even what upset me the most, you know? I was mad at you. _So _mad at you. For months. Because you made us go our separate ways and you have _no _idea how much I hated that."

"Parker," he tried again, but she was beyond hearing him.

"And I say 'was' because you know what? I'm not that mad any more. Disappointed, yes. But angry? Not really. It's gone, because you can't hold onto that feeling forever. It's too hard, it takes too much work; it's pointless. Know what I feel now, Nate?" She looked at him for the first time since she'd started talking, and then abruptly stopped.

"Tell me."

She took a deep breath. "I don't know. That's the worst part, that I don't know! Whenever I think about the past or about any one of you, there's this ache that…it doesn't go away. I thought maybe it was missing everyone. That's why I've been tracking everyone down, over and over again. But it never goes away." Never in a million years would she have thought of admitting this to anyone, let alone Nate. But she figured she had nothing left to lose, and if she were going to disappear when she left, it didn't matter anymore. When she finished, her voice was low enough to be almost unintelligible. "I'm beginning to think this feeling will never go away."

He gripped the edge of the pool and watched her like he thought she might disappear before his very eyes. "Give me a hand, would you?"

It was proof of how much she wasn't thinking that she actually held out her hand, and when he jerked sharply to pull her into the pool, she cursed herself, not him. She should have seen it coming.

Then again, there were many things in life she should have seen coming that she didn't, and nearly every single one of them had caused her pain. This probably wouldn't turn out any different.

Although she could swim, she was still grateful he didn't let go of her hand after he pulled her in, and used it to pull her back to the surface. "You could kill someone that way," she coughed, grabbing onto the side of the pool next to him.

"Yeah, like you were so concerned when you pushed me in?"

"There's a difference. You deserved it." She sniffed and glanced around, sighing when she saw the nearest ladder was 15 feet away. She didn't want to bother swimming to it. She could pull herself out, but the very thought seemed exhausting, at the moment.

"How did I deserve it, exactly?"

"Weren't you listening to anything I said? You split us up. Then when you arranged for a reunion, you conveniently didn't invite me." She winced again at saying it, and hoped she could pass off her suddenly watering eyes as a reaction to being pulled into the pool. God it was a toss up at that moment between who she hated more – Nate for being a bastard, or herself for being weak and caring either way.

This was the worst idea she'd had in a long time. Why did she listen to Hardison again? That would teach her to ignore him in the future. If she saw him in the future. Which she wouldn't.

Nate didn't say anything, and she wondered if he really had no excuses left.

She held onto the edge of the pool and leaned her head against it. "You did this to me," she whispered accusingly, swallowing back every tear she'd ever refused to allow herself to shed over him. Over anyone.

"I know," he said, then added, "I'm glad."

She immediately felt the urge to lash out, and tried to turn around and ask what the hell he meant by that, except she couldn't because he was now behind her. She held her breath as he wrapped his arms around her, resting his head on top of her own.

"You're glad I'm miserable?" She asked shakily. "That doesn't seem very gentlemanly."

"No," he said softly. "I'm glad that you care. Now I know that this is alright."

"What's alright?" She asked, turning her head slightly to look at him, and gasped when he kissed her in response. Truly if she hadn't been at the edge of the pool, and if he hadn't been pretty much keeping her afloat by holding onto her from behind, she might have gone under.

Though she figured after several seconds that she'd pretty much gone under already.

"What are you doing?" She gasped as soon as he pulled back, unable to get enough air.

"Parker," he stared at some point above her head. "Please tell me I don't have to explain that."

"I know what it _was_, Nate," she said irritably. "It's just...you and I...we don't…" she frowned at her inability to form a complete sentence. Had kissing Nate actually made her speechless? Perish the thought. Yet it seemed to be frighteningly accurate.

"You're right, we don't," he said, and then his voice lowered. "But I really think we should."

She shivered involuntarily, a reaction that had nothing to do with the cold water.

She couldn't disagree with him, and she wondered if he knew she'd been in love with him for about two years. Probably. He seemed to know everything about her even before she knew it.

Which was partly why she loved him. What a vicious cycle.

"I don't know what to say," she admitted, turning in his arms so that her back was against the side of the pool and she could face him.

"Maybe that's because it's my turn to talk. About your two points, Parker. First, we split up because of that last job we did where the local police were on to us. You know that. We _had _to scatter. And secondly…" he didn't finish his thought, choosing instead to pull himself out of the pool. Then he reached down to help her out as well.

"Secondly?" She prompted, making a futile attempt to wring out her shirt.

"Right, I have something for you." He went into the house, seeming not to care that he was dripping water everywhere. Fifteen seconds later he emerged and handed her an envelope.

It had only her name on the back and she opened it slowly. A location – the Chateau Marmont – and a date. Three months in the future. She blinked back more tears; she hadn't cried all night and damned if she was going to give in now.

"I wrote yours first. I couldn't find you. You moved around too much, and every time I had a lead on you, you disappeared as quickly as you came. Though I guess I should have figured you'd be stalking the others. I wanted to give it to you in person anyways."

She placed the card carefully back in its envelope and set it on the patio table. "I thought…"

"I know what you thought. I should have known from the beginning what you'd think and I'm sorry about that. I wanted to bring you with me from the moment we split up, actually, but I convinced myself you'd never come. So instead I let you go."

"You're an idiot," she half cried, half laughed.

"Yes," he agreed. "But no more. Parker, from now on I will never leave you behind."

"Never?" She challenged playfully.

"Not for the rest of my life," he swore, and she could only laugh.

"Let's see about that," she said, as she tried to outmaneuver him and shove him into the pool again. Unfortunately for her, he saw it coming, and wouldn't let go of her. As a result, they both fell in.

"Told you," he smirked when they surfaced, and she splashed him with water in mock anger, which resulted in a water fight that culminated with her finally giving in and lunging at him so they could make-out in the deep end. Which nearly drowned them both, actually. Not that he complained.

And he was as good as his word. He never did leave her behind again. For as long as they lived.

**XXXXXX**


End file.
